It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize