my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I am one with the molecules
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
