So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
