bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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