K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
