he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
