True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
