what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This house was built for laser tag.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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