paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
