Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
