maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
