her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
