Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Barsexuality is the new black.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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