im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.