is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
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It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.