he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
