you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
