Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
