so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
