You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
