i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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