She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
