hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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