dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
