Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
