Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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