You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
