he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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