The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
