Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
