He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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