He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
