i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
