Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
