he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
