He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
