White coat. Heels.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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