I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
