Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
