He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my being single is dangerous.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
