Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
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This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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