I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
this just has baby written all over it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
