i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
