K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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