a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
