I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
