If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
