i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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