Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
