it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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