You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just tell him i said nine months
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
