38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
They have beer where we have blood.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
