I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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