I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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