All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
