So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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