Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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