that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
