I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
