Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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