Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
