We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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