you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
