I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
