You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I will pee on everything he values.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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