Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
