its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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