sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
