I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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