I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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