he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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