Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
