I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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