broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My vagina is very pro this idea
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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