i love accidental penises.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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