Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
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Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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