You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
