if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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