dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
